Saturday, Schmaterday

Inner Dialogue

Saturday is the day we bump up to the next running level in the couch to 5K program. I had forgotten this. It was a very difficult run today. Of course I know that a great many of my problems are in my head. Sure I know that I am overweight, but most of my problems come from inner moaning and carping. Usually I enjoy the inner dialogue of how awful the run is because I feel more virtuous at the end. Today the inner dialogue almost "gone done me in."

We decided to run at the school track so that the Dear Husband could calibrate his little running widget. That man would find a tech gadget to help him breathe better and a program to help him inhale for maximum efficiency if was on a breathing and lung capacity regime.

Let's Do The Time Warp Again

As soon as we started on the track it was a time warp back to high school. I could practically hear my old gym teacher saying, "Pick it up people! Push! There is no walking here! Get it done!" I expected to have to climb a rope next.

The run just kept going. According to how far my song had gone we should be walking already. And still we kept on running. Finally, we were walking. Finally. Far too quickly we were running again. It kept going and going. My calves began to ache and I fell farther and farther behind the Dear Husband.

Rounding the track again, my flashback to high school continued. Two skinny women came jogging on to the track running easily with matched strides. The lightly tripped around the track and I struggled and puffed and panted and in general thought dark thoughts about them.

"Get off my track, get off my track, get off my track." I chanted. They got. Dear Husband is now a good 1/4 of the track ahead of me. Darn it. He is so far forward I must run when he does because he would see me walking if I began to walk. My run has deteriorated to a mostly bouncy step. I made it. I kept moving the entire time. I count that as a win.

In Brightest Day, In Darkest Night

I am feeling missing Monday's run.  We were supposed to run Wednesday night but had baseball practice and portfolio conferences.  One is surmountable but not two.  Because I love to hear praise about my children, which I take as my due, we pushed the run back to this evening.  If we had missed the run tonight I would not be able run on Saturday.

Tonight was the return of the desperate need for deep breaths and the mouth full of saliva.  The Dog would drag at the most inopportune moment.

No Jogging for YOU!

Procrastination

I woke up this morning when the cat jumped on me. It being a running day, I immediately began my satisfying ritual of mentally grousing before I arose from the confines of my bed. I should have sprung from my bed with a cheery smile and gone running. Instead I fielded a call from my sister - the Littlest - on the return from a sleepover had broken out in a rash all over her body.

Pediatrician, Ho!

Instead of a mid-morning jog. I went to the Back Door of Ostracism at the doc's office. The verdict: Strep Throat. No school. Antibiotics. Should I be worried that my 6 year old can toss back shots like a college kid? (Albeit shots of strawberry flavored medication)

Instead of bundling the kiddo off to school and having a belated jog, my plan "B", I was faced with a choice: run by myself or not run. Hmmm Tough Choice!! On one hand, no running! On the other hand, if I don't run today, it is the first step of a slippery slope of dogging out on my part of the 5K program. I did not run.

Smart Alek

"Hello! Did you know it has been 421 days since your last visit?" yeah that you know of stupid exercise program. "How is Harris? I haven't seen him lately." that's because he is outside playing real sports you Skynet wannabe. "Did you know your dog is happier when you give him attention?" The scary thing is, I never told the Wii I had a dog. I, for one, welcome our robot overlords!

2500 steps and 1/2 hour later . . .

"You did great! Would you like to do that again?!"

My First Chase Vehicle

Something Strange


I was not sure that I was going to make it today when the Dear Husband showed me the run requirements.  The run doubled the run time we did last week, which was a major grind.  Then something strange happened: I didn't have any problems running it.

Switcheroo


The Boy is gone on camp out.  The girls slept over at friends' houses but the Littlest came home early.  Full of vim, she decided to bike along with our run. Five minutes down the road we noticed her tire was flattish and her seat off kilter.  I could not convince her to ditch the bike and run along with us.  "We'll get it on the way back!" I pleaded.  No dice.  My pleading lasted all the way through the first run period.  Still the littlest kept trucking along.  I looked up and the Dear Husband was walking.  Holey Moley!  I wasn't even breathing hard.

The kiddo just kept peddling.

Could I do this the whole run?  Was I just to self centered to be a successful runner?  If I focused on the kid could I run 5K right now!!

I mentioned the ease of the run to the Dear Husband.  "Well," says he, bursting my bubble, "we're going real slow." Oh.

Just Call Me Gloria

Energy Miser

I have decided that "Energy Miser" sounds better than couch potato. It's not that I have an objection to moving per se, rather the use of energy is worth the effort of expenditure. Perhaps "energy conservationist" is better. It sounds forward thinking and virtuous. Makes me think of wind farms.

The Dear Husband is working from home today as The Boy crosses over to Boy Scouts from Cub Scouts. This is good because it means no night run tonight, when my legs are tired and my enthusiasm is dim. However, I promised to help a friend with Many Toddlers (none of which belong to her) because my mouth once again operated independently of my brain. This means I woke up earlier than I wished to "fit in" my run. Just typing that sentence makes me think I am stuck in a weird alternate reality.

Inching Downward

Dear Husband brought my dryer warmed running clothes. (Bliss!) Got the kids eating breakfast and then we left to go our miles (not Bliss). I have no wedgies, no cutting wind, no rain. What delight waited for me today? Falling pants! Yea, a veritable cornucopia of joys await the runner. Monday I wore the same running pants and they behaved the entire trip. I think it must be because the wind was so cold that they stayed close to my body heat, but today? Every time we reached the "jog" portion of the outing, they decided to inch downward with every step. By the time I could feel cool air on the small of my back (as the pants fell so the t-shirt rose) I'd have a hitch in my step as I yanked them back up. Jog, jog, YANK, jog.

The Inner Critic Whispers Stop

Cars drove past on their way to work. There goes the chubby woman - jog, jog YANK jog jog. The inner critic whispers "Stop, just let HIM run. You are having a wardrobe malfunction and it is perfectly acceptable to walk the rest of the time." I am about to give in when another blissful walking period begins.

Toddler Mania

Blessed Man lets me have a shower first. Off to play with 9 preschoolers. There is one gem who has decided to call me Gloria. Perhaps my own name has been forgotten, perhaps she has only misheard it pronounced by adults, but she is confident in Gloria so Gloria I shall be. That's cool, the Gloria I know is full of grace and truth. I've got the truth now I need the grace. perhaps it will stick.

The Cutting Wind

Why Me


I had a seriously, "Why Me?" run today.  It was a run that was all promise follow through - no real conviction of purpose.  Now some of you reading in this may say, "How is this any different from any other run she has done so far?"  The answer is: not much.  What is surprising is now much even a fraction of purpose helps you maintain enthusiasm of purpose.

It didn't help that we ran in the afternoon.  I should have sucked it up and run in the morning but I was having a bad morning and so we postponed the run until after we had drug around Oak Harbor and found the little bits and bobs of stuff we needed The Boy's camp out.  By the time we got home, had lunch and pulled stuff out of bags - I was twitching and irritable.  I always get twitching and irritable buying anything other than groceries, so my Up Beat Spouse, enthusing over the bargains we'd found just made me more surly.

I dragged on my running clothes because I had Promised to do this.  I took off my glasses because I didn't really want to look at anyone or anything.  Just looking at something clearly was going to make me angry.  I snapped on the dog's leash and walked outside because I was going to wimp out if I didn't.

It Cut's like a Knife - Ooh ooh ohh

It was so lovely and sunny outside then the wind whipped off the ocean and stabbed me.  I just wanted to cry.  I put up my hood, but my hood didn't want to stay up.  My ear buds wouldn't stay in my ears and my iPod was queued to the wrong song.  I could fix these things but every bit of my energy was tied up in keeping me from running back into the house and finding the Cadbury Caramel Egg, I had hidden away.  I remembered I had given it away the day before and so I  resigned myself to Grim Determination.

Oh Michael W Smith!


Who knew that Michael W Smith made the perfect song to run to in the midst of a pity party?  As we began the next to last jog portion of the program today the iPod kicked up "Healing Rain".  My feet were pounding the rhythm, and since I was too mentally focused on hoovering air into my lungs to converse with my inner critic, I just listened to the song and for a moment caught up with my Dear Husband.

Playlist:  I Would Drown - Chasing Furies, Foggy Dew - Sinead O'Conner and the Chieftains (in honor of St. Paddy's day), God Be Merciful to Me and Sunny Days - Jars of Clay, Lift Up Your Face - Third Day, Healing Rain - Michael W Smith, Set Fire to the Rain - Adele

Week 2 Day 1: 30 Seconds of Doom

 Unrealistic Expectations


As a couch potato I can tell you that I found a whole new set of unrealistic expectations of this exercise program.  Oh, I have no grand vision of myself ever joyfully bounding out the door for a run with a spring in my step and a  bounce in my erm... ponytail; I don't expect running to be anything other than, at best, extended discomfort for the duration.  No my unrealistic expectations were the thought that adding an extra 30 seconds of jogging to each section would be balanced by the extra 30 seconds of walking that were added to the walking sections. Ha, ha, ha.  I'd laugh but that would take energy, which good couch potatoes hoard like the energy misers they are.

The Worms Were Out


It rained this morning, but thankfully it stopped, because I was not looking forward to another run in the rain.  This just meant the worms issued forth from the ground like an Egyptian plague.  The first few minutes of walk consisted of me dodging worms on the ground so that I would not me scraping them off my shoes at the end of the walk.  Or maybe I'd just run them off the soles of my shoes! Ha ha.  Worms, the perfect metaphor of being ground in to the mud by the soulless cruelty of the running program.  I was the Worm, therefore I took extra care to leave my pitiful fellows in muddy bliss until we started running on the pavement.

A Minor Victory


It was a minor victory that the dog did not give me a worried look over his should every two minutes this week.  Our collie, The Dog They Call Jayne, was vastly worried last Wednesday that I was too far behind.  I needed Rounding Up but he was on a lead up ahead with the Man.  Stymied by the lead, he would just look over his shoulder worriedly.  Today I only got two looks - sweet progress!