The Cutting Wind

Why Me


I had a seriously, "Why Me?" run today.  It was a run that was all promise follow through - no real conviction of purpose.  Now some of you reading in this may say, "How is this any different from any other run she has done so far?"  The answer is: not much.  What is surprising is now much even a fraction of purpose helps you maintain enthusiasm of purpose.

It didn't help that we ran in the afternoon.  I should have sucked it up and run in the morning but I was having a bad morning and so we postponed the run until after we had drug around Oak Harbor and found the little bits and bobs of stuff we needed The Boy's camp out.  By the time we got home, had lunch and pulled stuff out of bags - I was twitching and irritable.  I always get twitching and irritable buying anything other than groceries, so my Up Beat Spouse, enthusing over the bargains we'd found just made me more surly.

I dragged on my running clothes because I had Promised to do this.  I took off my glasses because I didn't really want to look at anyone or anything.  Just looking at something clearly was going to make me angry.  I snapped on the dog's leash and walked outside because I was going to wimp out if I didn't.

It Cut's like a Knife - Ooh ooh ohh

It was so lovely and sunny outside then the wind whipped off the ocean and stabbed me.  I just wanted to cry.  I put up my hood, but my hood didn't want to stay up.  My ear buds wouldn't stay in my ears and my iPod was queued to the wrong song.  I could fix these things but every bit of my energy was tied up in keeping me from running back into the house and finding the Cadbury Caramel Egg, I had hidden away.  I remembered I had given it away the day before and so I  resigned myself to Grim Determination.

Oh Michael W Smith!


Who knew that Michael W Smith made the perfect song to run to in the midst of a pity party?  As we began the next to last jog portion of the program today the iPod kicked up "Healing Rain".  My feet were pounding the rhythm, and since I was too mentally focused on hoovering air into my lungs to converse with my inner critic, I just listened to the song and for a moment caught up with my Dear Husband.

Playlist:  I Would Drown - Chasing Furies, Foggy Dew - Sinead O'Conner and the Chieftains (in honor of St. Paddy's day), God Be Merciful to Me and Sunny Days - Jars of Clay, Lift Up Your Face - Third Day, Healing Rain - Michael W Smith, Set Fire to the Rain - Adele